Adoption update

I know I spoke about this several months ago and haven't since. Jason and I are still in the process of completing our application to adopt a child from Taiwan. We have found an agency based out of Utah that helps 10 families at a time. We are one of those 10 families. We had a great talk with the woman who runs the organization and were blown away at how her and her husband's goals and passions line up with ours. We were able to ask questions about the need in Taiwan and were very surprised in some of the responses.

Taiwan is a lot like America in it's reasons for giving a child up for adoption. Many are single or teenage moms, and there are those that are victims of rape. One thing to say about that - we absolutely understand that rape is a very real and ugly thing. But unfortunately, in Taiwan, teenagers or unwed mothers are socially cast down for becoming pregnant. Saying they are victims of rape is a way for the family to save face and for the girl to protect the father (who would also be socially cast down). Very often, a child that is said to have been conceived by rape, was not.

Taiwan, like many other countries, is trying hard to promote domestic adoption. However, the reason a child would be passed over for adoption is very different than America. Many of these children have absolutely nothing wrong with them. There is adequate prenatal care, and the mother is healthy. But, in Taiwan, a child that is conceived by an unwed mother or teenage girl is unwanted. They are considered to be the child of a disobedient daughter, or loose woman, and therefore deemed unfit. There are also problems with drugs and alcohol, although the penalty for such is much higher there than in the states. Women lose their children to the system much easier there and do not get them back. While they promote domestic adoption, there is a huge need for people to adopt internationally. They do have a decent foster care system, but many children are in orphanages. Healthy children are passed up for reasons that may seem ridiculous to us, but are very real to the Taiwanese people.

Interestingly enough, there are more boys up for adoption in Taiwan than girls. This has left Jason and I with a hard decision. We want the child that God wants for us, but with the dynamics of our family, if given the choice, we would opt for a girl. We will see where God takes this one!

We have submitted our initial application (and check!), and are working on our home study. There is so much paperwork! It is unreal! In the meantime, we have also submitted our paperwork to begin foster care classes. As far as we know, they start in October.

If you had asked me 5 years ago if I would be a mother of three, staying at home full time working on fostering and adopting - I would have said you were crazy. Not because this is not a passion of mine, but because I really never would have thought that God would take us down this path. I'm extremely nervous. I can't say I'm a bad mom, but I will say that being a mother does not come particularly easy to me. I'm not patient - like, at all, and I hate (HATE) house work. No amount of effort can make me like doing the dishes or laundry. Jason and I talked about this just last night. I feel like I'm being called to change my identity. I'm being called to lay down a key part of myself. Nurse practitioner. Not that I will not work in the future, but for now I feel called to focus on something else. And it's hard. I like working. I like being a nurse practitioner. I like feeling appreciated. I told Jason last night - Imagine a job that you can never leave, no one appreciates it (kids), and in fact whine about it no less than every 10 minutes, and the work that you do (dishes, cleaning, laundry, etc...) is destroyed in 5 minutes. After years of this it starts to wear on me. Now, don't get me wrong, there is monumentally more to parenting than housework. And I see that every day. The things they are learning, the joys and hurts they experience, the things they teach me and the amazing love I feel for them that I never thought I would have enough room in my heart for...but that perspective can become very hard in the midst of the day to day.

All that to say we are ready for wherever God is going to take this. And I have no idea where He is going to take this. But who am I that I think I can make better decisions for my life than God. He has brought me joy, allowed pain, and pushed me in very uncomfortable and pleasing ways. He knows what He is doing. He is weaving a tapestry for my life, Jason's life and the lives of our kids - both here now and those to come. I'm submitting to the Master and praying that if He doesn't deal gently with me, that He at least uses me to further His kingdom.

Valerie