Reflections on my uterus

My husband will hate that title, but I'm getting tired of the same old "update" titles. So, I thought this one was more catchy!

I will be 38 weeks tomorrow and here's where I'm at. Tuesday night, late, I started having some contractions that progressed to 2-3 minutes apart. They were like that for about 30 minutes and I went ahead and called my OB before she went to bed. It took her a good 20 minutes to call me back and they were still going strong. She recommended I come in. Well, the night before that I had some contractions that woke me up in the middle of the night and they went away, so I was hesitant to come in for a false alarm. She said she would call me back in 15 minutes and see how I was doing. When she called back, they were still regular and starting to hurt, so Jason and I packed up to come to the hospital. We called my neighbor who was going to sleep at our house and wait for Allie to wake up (thanks Beth!), grabbed our bags and headed out. The contractions lasted the entire way there, the elevator ride up and onto the bed. It wasn't until the nurse strapped me to the monitor and checked my cervix that they stopped. HOW FRUSTRATING! Don't get me wrong, I know I'm early, and many women spend their entire last month this uncomfortable, but when you're dilated 4 cm and the baby is so low it feels like it's going to fall out every time you move, you begin to think it's going to happen any day. Not to mention the fact that the entire way to the hospital I was giddy thinking I was finally going to meet my baby. Nope...waiting for another day!

I have sat around this entire week thinking...any minute now! I had an OB appointment on Thursday and my doc said she didn't think I would last much longer. I keep hearing that, and yet, since Tuesday, I have had very few contractions, and I'm beginning to think that I just need to settle in for the long haul.

Here's why that's a problem...

1) My sister is moving to Chicago next weekend. That means, that if I haven't had the baby by this week, she won't get to meet him until she can make a trip back...and who knows when that will be. She is starting a new job and will need some time to get settled, so I know it will break her heart if he's not here. 

2) Our good friends, the Partins, leave for Budapest, Hungary on the 25th. They are not planning a return trip anytime soon as they are called to full time missions. So, if I haven't had the baby by this week, they seriously will not get to meet him for a very long time, potentially years. That makes me really sad as they have been a part of our lives for 8 years now. 

3) I am unbelievably uncomfortable. I know, I know, women have been doing this since the earth's creation and I am nothing special. But the reality is, I don't know how other women feel, or what they go through or their frame of mind. All I know is my experience. And right now I am miserable. I cannot sleep (haven't for months), I am waddling terribly, my thighs are always rubbing together (thank you 42 pounds and counting...), it's very difficult to attend to Allie (even though she's been a dream lately...a week and counting of 3 hour naps!), and I'm grouchy all the time. I will admit that I'm hormonally more stable this go round, but I do not remember being this uncomfortable with Allie. Is it that the more kids you have the lower you carry? Is it that I'm trying to run after a toddler? Is it that this kid is bigger? I'm sure it's a variation of all three...but they all add up to one uncomfortable person!

My OB told me on Thursday that if I haven't had the baby by our next appointment (next Thursday) she's going to schedule an induction for 39 weeks. That means that we would induce on May 25th (Memorial Day). Still not ideal as I will miss Kara and the Partins (they both leave early that day), but at least I have a definite end date. 

Why in the world would I want to be induced you may ask?

Well, it's simple. I am already dilated to a 4 and between 50-75% effaced depending on who you ask (I've been 'checked' so many times I'm getting a little sick of it!). So, I'm not anticipating any trouble with induction. And, if you think about it, Allie was sort of induced. My water broke at 38 weeks, but I wasn't having contractions and I got started on Pitocin. But, the luxury of having a flexible cervix is that once you're dilated to a 3 or 4 (which I already was with Allie), they slap an epidural in you...soooo, hoping for yet another relatively painless delivery. (Sorry to all my friends with painful delivery experiences. Just remember I had the kid that didn't sleep for the first 9 months of life).

I know this is long...just a bit longer...

Today was hard. Jason and I were both home for the first Saturday in a long time. I let him sleep in, and he let me take it easy. I got to take a nap when Allie did, and feel relatively ok. But, my mind is going crazy!

I have this bargaining thing I'm playing with God. I tell Him that it's really important for my sister and the Partins to meet Andrew and that I'm uncomfortable and "ready" and practically beg Him to send me into labor. He, in turn, reminds me that this is not the first time I have wanted something so badly (like getting pregnant), and that He has always taken care of me and given me even more than I would have known to ask for. I hear His voice echoing in my head..."Don't you trust me after all we've been through?" 

The truth is, deep down, I do trust Him, I really do. It's just unbelievably hard to put that into practice. So, here's to being patient and waiting on the Lord. He really does know what He's doing!!

Valerie